Watching the Mark Foley scandal unfold has been amusing in a sad sort of way. You could almost see his mind working feverishly to get out of it.
Friday September 29th: Oh God! I’ve been caught. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Why me? Why now? I thought we were invincible! If only I could find a way that it’s not my fault. Let’s see. Who’s fault could it have been? How could I have been the victim here?
Wait! I’ve got it! It wasn’t my fault because I’m an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease, right? I’m the victim of a disease. I didn’t know what I was doing because – I was drinking!
His attorney, David Roth, might have countered with something like: ‘But Mark, are you really an alcoholic?’
‘Doesn’t matter. I’ll check right into rehab to prove it. Do you think the doctors can tell whether I’m an alcoholic?’
Roth: ‘I think they’ll have to take your word for it.’
‘There you go! I’m an alcoholic – a victim. Demon Alcohol made me do things I would never have done. Phew!’
Then came what seemed to be an interminably long weekend. Mark Foley is left alone with his thoughts. He begins to worry all the more. This is bad! I hope being an alcoholic is enough. My defense needs to be fool proof. What else? And then he hits on just the thing.
A-ha! I went to parochial school! I could have been molested by a pedophile priest when I – too – was just a young teenager! It scarred me for life, and made me an alcoholic. I had no choice but to act out with teenagers the age I was when it happened to me. This is perfect! And credible. I’m a victim – the ultimate victim!
Monday finally comes, but Mark Foley continues to worry. What else? What else can I say? In a conversation with Roth, he asks if the media is buying his story, then he has what he thinks is a stroke of genius:
“Oh! And did I mention I’m gay?”
And so it was that, in trying to save himself, former Congressman Mark Foley took alcoholics, priests, victims of sexual abuse and gays down with him.
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